The main reason for starting this blog was because of Rob’s behaviour on Leelad.net, a forum I frequent (sadly, so does he). He’s basically there because his previous haunt ChavScum – a place where 14 year old emo kids vented spleen about how unfair it is that white people listen to R&B within their earshot – banned him for being such a thick cunt. This, for the record, is the only thing Leelad.net or its members have ever wholeheartedly agreed with ChavScum’s owner about, bringing a rare moment of concord to relations between the two forums and almost commencing a new era of cooperation and friendship until everyone realised that ChavScum was still full of thick, highly-strung wankstains who had seized upon a rare opportunity to be a bigot without actually openly hating black people or Muslims.
That’s how bad Rob is.
Since then he’s been hanging out around Leelad.net like a case of herpes. Every so often he’ll flare up, posting another atrocity he’s made on YouTube or another little website he’s made about what a laughable prick he’s been in the past, and then go away again when everyone starts insulting him. Rob is clearly upset by all the hectoring, pretending to consider it laughable and beneath him but obviously hurt underneath it all. (You may notice a theme here.)
What is never entirely clear is why he does it. Leelad.net, as a forum, make absolutely no bones that they dislike or at the very least are keen to take the piss of RobFalcon and absolutely everything he does. It’s obvious that Rob is rather peeved by this at least, which I suppose is fair enough – after all, he has every right to be annoyed that somewhere calls itself the “Unofficial RobFalcon owner’s club” and will seize upon everything he does for the sole purpose of mockery (leaving aside the merits of his various creative endeavours, which are more or less non-existent.) Being a tad irritated by that would be natural. It’s that sort of thing that almost makes me have sympathy for people like Rob, or even Stephenie “Sparklecunt” Meyer.
Stephenie Meyer: Rob's female analogue? Both talentless; both completely impervious to all forms of criticism; both intensely annoying
So, being annoyed at it is fine. Even talking about it elsewhere is more or less understandable. That does not, under any circumstances, make it make any sense whatsoever that Rob continues to post on Leelad.net, or indeed any one of the thousands of places he’s posted and been outed as a thicko on. So why does he?
The first logical step would be to ask the man himself, but he’s remarkably reticent about that one. He’s proffered a few explanations, none of which really stack up and don’t really give any good reason why he should keep irritating the bollocks off everyone with his juvenile nonsense. For the sake of funny, we’ll call these the “no u” argument, the “Billie Piper” argument and the “complete retard” argument.
The “no u” argument
This basically hinges around the idea that even if Rob doesn’t post on Leelad.net, they’ll still insult him, so he has to be there to defend himself, otherwise it isn’t manly or something:
Look what happend when guest posting was banned for nearly a whole year, i didnt post on here at all, but yet did i stop getting mentioned?, did me being seek and hunted on the interweb stop?, no it didnt *cough* trolling the comments sections on my youtube video’s *cough*
*cough* moron *cough*
This would be all fine and dandy if what Rob did was actually defend himself in a robust and sane manner. What really happens is that he comes up with bizarre justifications for his behaviour, weakly insult everyone there (usually with shit insults copied from standup comics or TV programmes) and then post links to things that he should, by now, know will elicit nothing but scorn and mockery from everyone there. If anyone is responsible for Leelad.net hating Rob, it’s Rob.
It doesn’t even make much sense for him to say he’s being “seek and hunted on the interweb”, and not just because that phrase is a load of meaningless bollocks – much less for him to say YouTube comments are being trolled by them. His comments are screened by him to stop any form of criticism whatsoever YouTube haters, not to mention he has a habit of using the same usernames absolutely anywhere you care to mention – either Robfalcon, kraal1778 or just a variation on his initials. Another previous Leelad.net target (who frankly did a whole lot more than post wanky videos) learnt quickly and never used the same username twice. Funnily enough, he hasn’t been found. Rob still puts himself out there and gets “seek and hunted”. I wonder why?
So him being there won’t stop the “seek and hunting”. Moreover, being there and posting there just opens him up to more abuse. The abuse that he’s there to supposedly prevent. This reason makes absolutely no sense. It makes Rob an idiot.
The “Billie Piper” reason
a.k.a. “Because I want to! Because I want to!”
This reason is probably the most facile. To prove that it’s a stupid reason that could be understood as stupid by anyone with a working brain stem, I held an interview with my cat Modgit to gain his insight.
Me: So, Modgit, why is this reason completely retarded?
Modgit: It’s really quite simple. Rob doesn’t like Leelad.net, or anyone posting there, or any of the subject matter they talk about. He actually finds their attitudes to virtually everything repulsive.
Me: So basically he’s got no cogent reason to want to post there. There’s nothing to attract him.
Modgit: Well, quite. It’d sort of be understandable if he had people there who want to talk to him, and the haters were just a minority, but as it is everyone’s pretty much hostile to him and out to provoke him. He’d be better off cutting his losses and walking away.
Me: Hmm. Makes sense. Does that now mean he’s actually got fewer comprehension skills than a house cat?
Modgit: Yes. Now feed me you cunt.
As Modgit’s wise reasoning shows, Rob hasn’t got any reason to want to post on Leelad.net. They keep abusing him, but he keeps coming back, claiming that he wants to. Analogies abound; is he like a beaten spouse coming back to an abusive partner time and time again, or someone blithely and idiotically repeatedly trying to speak to someone who just last night punched him in the face? Either way, Rob’s behaviour is quite concerning, and resembles self harm more than anything. Maybe he should see a doctor? Or a psychiatrist? (Oh, what a dream that would be.)
Last but not least…
The “complete retard” argument
This is the Ronseal of reasons. It does exactly what it says on the tin, and then looks an absolute cunt. It basically boils down to the idea that Rob enjoys riling up Leelad.net and its members, or worse that he’s on some kind of holy crusade to piss them off, seeing as they fit neatly into his definition of “Internet tough guys” or whatever bollocks reasoning he’s using to wish away the fact that his behaviour is the problem. It’s called the “complete retard” argument because you’d have to be a complete retard to be in Rob’s shoes and consider this feasible, or a good idea.
It thus helps that Rob, as he seeks to prove over and over again, is a complete retard.
Rob has no chance of winning. A realistic person would cut their losses and not bother posting somewhere that hates them, exercising their contempt from a distance and thinking to themselves what a bunch of cunts they are. That’s their right; fair enough. Rob however does not see this, and believes that if he keeps at it, he will win, and he will have beaten the evil Internet Tough Guy Clique once and for all. (You may notice that this point of view assumes that Rob is correct about absolutely everything. This is what makes it a stereotypical Rob point of view.)
Rather than this decisive victory, what has happened is that every detail of Rob’s life that he has posted has been mercilessly mocked. He’s simply not intelligent enough to defend himself, nor to deliberately wind people up (trolling at least takes a modicum of social nous, something Rob decidedly lacks) and any time he does enter into an argument he will either lose horrifically and run off crying or claim he wants to end the argument prematurely simply to avoid justifying what he says. He’s definitely not intelligent enough to notice that what he actually says is ignored, or that people calling him a retard virgin definitely aren’t in the minority.
Rob cannot win. He’s tilting at windmills. This is a stupid reason to post.
So what’s the real reason?
Possibly a combination of all three. Someone who knows him on Lycos chat fingered him as someone who’d defend anyone who’s getting a hard time, so he may well see Leelad.net (a forum which in deep dark history was founded on trolling) as emblematic of that, especially since their most recent target is him. This has some obvious overlap with the “complete retard” reason – maybe he thinks there’s some sort of war going on? The “Billie Piper” one could even have some merit – perhaps beneath his outward scorn and insults, Rob actually likes Leelad.net and the discussion? Personally, I doubt it. His tendency to dislike anything he deems stupid, while being inestimably stupid himself, means he probably despises the place really.
For my money, the reason he stays is this; they haven’t banned him and nowhere else will have him. Everywhere else, when he constantly posted his shit videos, his wanky cyberpunk fiction, all of the shit about woe trees and willies poo poo and all of that crap, his misogynistic and racist views, they got sick of him and just told him to fuck off. Leelad.net’s stance on moderation is so light-touch it may as well not be there. I doubt anyone has actually been banned from there for years. Leelad.net provides an unquestioning canvas for all the shit he wants to spread around the Internet, one that offers instant criticism for him to ignore and belittle. So they let him stay, not through a desire to have him there, but just as someone to mock. Kept around as the forum punchbag. The Unofficial Robfalcon Owner’s Club.
Is that really something he should be putting himself through?
RoflBacon! 